02:09 PM - June 1st, 2025

feeling:	bored
listening:	some ex-mormon youtuber talking about crumbl cookies
eating:	some weird flavored water thing
watching:	you kinda have to watch and listen to youtube videos

i kinda had a feeling that today was going to be slow, no one's really around to talk to, irl or groupchats. i've been trying to work on my irritability when it comes to boredom, especially when you can see that other people are doing things without you (whether or not you're actually INTERESTED in what they're doing, it doesn't really matter)

like, i've always been very irritable when it comes to boredom, but i think it moreso comes from a lack of control, like when the internet is having issues and you just don't know what's wrong with it so you get angry and sulk because you can't figure it out and you wanted to do stuff adn there's nothing equally engaging to do otherwise so you're just stuck being unhappy.

it felt like when i wanted to take a shower after a long week, but not only did someone else get to it first but the water pressure starts to suck after you've gotten in. i'm not afraid to say that that actually got some extremely frustrated tears out of me, just uh crying in the shower. very lame in retrospect because the pressure went back like five minutes later and i was fine, but it's just that feeling of defeat that just crawls under your skin and makes you see, not red, maybe blue.

rounding back to the original topic lmao, theres just things i wanna do, things i want to like idk giggle and celebrate about but there's no one there to do that with, whether they're occupied or just offline, its selfish but it makes me sad.

could also probably help if i actually took my stupid lexapro but i CANT because i had that STUPID BRANDY.

>>> 09:40 AM - June 1st, 2025

feeling:	pensive
listening:	god is a woman (kaito ver.)
eating:	coffee brandy & a hot pocket
watching:	trying to finish apothecary diaries

gay people real (Happy pride month!)

I've already had a brandy today and I have work tonight, I think I'm just bored lol. Translating old pages is shaping up to be kind of an ordeal... I was hoping to not have to redo all of them but the way everything was developed from January is like completely different, aesthetically AND backend wise. Idk, I'll figure something out, I just want this site back up :(

It's not like they'd stay that way forever, they would just be placeholders but I still didn't expect it to be so difficult with me!!

Oh well.

My mom keeps getting calls from business numbers (and ignoring them heh) but I'm kind of worried they're for me, even if I forked over $300 last month, it's kind of a trope that collection agencies are pushy, but also I've been getting spam texts up the yin yang recently too, so idk why I'm so worried LOL this is why we don't fuck with companies that notoriously sell data (COUGH Facebook). I used it for literally two days just to see what was going on with some family stuff and my phone # is probably sitting in some database already.

also looking at my profile, there is just straight up toxic yaoi sitting public-facing LMAO

im kind of past that phase so its a little embarassing to look at but whatever, im not deleting it, i've drawn worse hiii celly.

>>> 03:44 PM - March 31, 2025

First entry of this page actually running and looking like how it's meant to... I'll be updating this semi-regularly even if the site is still closed so that there's at least something to read on here!

Hrghhghh we're on the cusp of Deltarune Chapter 3&4 releasing, I'm SO nervous LMAO

I, for the last uhhhhhhh..... 6 years, wow, have had like a boatload of theories and thoughts and predictions and just everything since I've been able to just sit in my my own brain without (much) offical content, only fuelled and stoked by the ARG content. I feel like GOHD Asriel, I don't want this to end!!!!!! BUT ALSO I DO. I REALLY DO.

In a good way ofc, I want Deltarune to end in the nicest possible way, and based on Toby Fox's deranged Bluesky posting I don't think I or the entire fandom frankly, are alone in the matter. I've seen a lot of groaning about how long Deltarunes' taken, and sure yeah, it's been a hot minute (6 years, hehe) I think it was worth it. I think we've gotten a little too used to stuff coming out constantly in a continuous flow of content, which is a deeply problematic workflow in the long-term for both developers and consumers. Things used to take years back in the day too, thats why releases were known to be events and things to look forward to at midnight releases and shit, because FINALLY.

I think that may be one of my most oldhead opinions of all time, people are just impatient nowadays, never taking the chance to sit on things and ruminate. Especially on something as Fucking Cool as Deltarune like??? Come on bros, get a fucking grip LOL. It's always the same types that think they, or modders, can do better and know better than the actual developers.

Then pick up that keyboard and get cracking shitlord, I want that beta YESTERDAY.

>>> 01:09 PM - January 22, 2025

So... weird unofficial unstyled blog page whats good.

This is really meant to be a placeholder for me to get my stuff down without worrying about the CSS since, well that's the topic of this first blog.

The nitty gritty is basically I'm kind of unhappy with my layout??? Idk, it's just egregiously inflexible. I've gotten advice on it but really it's all boiled down to "don't limit yourself to just a specific style!!!" and while that's a nice sentiment it's not really what i'm feeling is WRONG with the site itself.

Like I'm gonna be so real it's so annoying and difficult to add to it that it actively making me dislike working on it which isn't what i want for it in the slightest and what I thought was working just isn't anymore and that's honestly pissing me off because it's only been a couple weeks since I've implemented it like seriously what fucking gives LMAOOOOO

It's just kind of put into perspective what I actually want to work on, I value creativity and freedom first and foremost when it comes to this site and I've made it so incredibly difficult for myself to actually pursue that, which is bonkers because I literally designed the site, it's like it's developed feature creep already like how did i even let that happen.

I think I just bit off way more than I could chew at my barely intermediate level of coding knowledge.

Speaking on freedom and a little actual update, while i initially decided on either undertale or touhou to be the first shrines on the site, for some unfathomable reason it's looking like the virtual villagers series will actually be taking that place, because i've spent the last week typing up a 2300+ word essay on that incredibly niche series and frankly i've come to reaslise that NO ONE will ever be as insane about that series as i am so i'm putting my whole brain into that one out of sheer spite.

SO. Where do we go from here?

Firstly, Re-think the aesthetic a little, I love what's going on I think I just went way way too hard into it.

Secondly, I'm gonna be re-doing the layout from the ground up, it's not gonna be SUPER different aesthetically but it'll function in a similar way to the old old layout, y'know, sidebars that don't rely on IFrames and such. This should THEORETICALLY not actually take as long as the last update, since I'll no longer be adhering to self-imposed restrictions.

Finally, I have a lot of pages kinda jotted down!! So this update will actually still come with new pages and isn't just a revamp! :D

see you then <3