>>> 02:41 AM - June 21st, 2025

feeling:	i sleeped too early
listening:	toby fox - the place where it rained
eating:	sweet chili doritos
watching:	rewatching chenso man because i miss it

i slept early again, i hate doing that because it makes my weekend feel shorter, working overnights can kind of super fuck up your concept of time after a while, the nights are when you're awake but there's no one to do anything with and everything is closed. you feel like you're pulling an all nighter even though this is the time you're typically up and eating "lunch" :P

june seems to just be flying by, also probably an effect of work, it's necessary structure in my life but it's such a pain. it makes me stay up too late because i want to do things and not just sleep, i've always hated sleep it feels like such a waste of time instead of doing anything actually enjoyable, maybe its because it never turns out restful like everyone says it is or maybe because i always oversleep no matter how hard i try not to, i've purposely left the window open in the winter to make it uncomfortably cold or chugged an energy drink before bed so that i wake up when i want to.

it's not exactly productive to a healthy sleep schedule but my schedules' fucked anyway from my shift, so i dont care

05:43 AM

kinda left the entry bc someone WAS awake hehe

idk i think this shift is just frustrating when it comes to, yknow, actually having a life. i'll have more options when i finally get my liscence.

new topic so i dont bum myself out anymore, hopefully finishing an artwork today! it's been sitting in my files for a couple months now but i wanna finish it so i can use it as an example for the zine i wanna apply for. i'm not in a huge rush since applications close in july but this isn't my first zine so like i know things can get hairy quick so i'd at least like to get my application in, in a timely manner.

the amount of followers it has is kind of scary, while it's a free zine so people are probably just waiting, it still makes me nervous. which is STUPID, i'm confident in my work! i got asked to be the cover of my last projects' side zine! (the main ones' cover was a guest artist so i couldn't get that anyway)

the worst part about zines are pitches in my opinion, they're asking a visual person to write down my ideas, the most i do in that department is

sans posing in front of camera with his hand looking like its holding asgore and toriel (who are being messy in public) with the perspective

- real quote from my notes app and youre telling me i gotta write a paragraph of that! they sound so boring in text!!!!!!

especially if it's a zine with a pretty broad topic/theme, like? do i just put whatever down??

>>> 11:07 AM - June 16th, 2025

feeling:	my gasters are flabbered
listening:	p!atd - vegas lights
eating:	macaroni and cheese
watching:	oop got to the frog scene

i kinda like that this has become a little work blog, too many bloggers are intro IT positions and stay at home moms (THIS IS A JOKE, I LOVE MOM BLOGS, women are my favorite people) we need more slightly-above-minimum wage blue collar people spilling their tea because there's a lot of it, these jobs are boring as fuck.

rundown, yesterday we had twice our normal frieght numbers that we had to work, had some residual but that's not uncommon on doubles, plus we've lost 10 people to a store project; we're understaffed, underpaid, and trying our best. in this section of work 3rd shift/overnight/graveyard deals with the majority of a supermarkets' frieght, but the PRIORITY is consumables; things people eat and use up which makes sense. so, say for example, there's an understaffed crew who need to focus on their priorities and just Can't get everything done due to a lack of manpower and there only being so many hours in a night.

say there's one worker, who was by herself for the entire night busting ass to get a department done to ensure that the night wasn't a failure and saw how hard everyone else on their shift worked to make things turn out on a shitty night following an EVEN SHITTIER night and was finally clocking out and walking out the door to go home and relax but then this 1st shift hag who probably just runs a cart around the store and telling customers where soap is walks out with them and says, verbatim "what does 3rd shift even do? not frieght apparently"

when i tell you that jackass was lucky that she was almost in the bathroom when she said that, cause im not a freak to follow someone into a public bathroom thank you very much, she was LUCKY. i wanted to go in there and cuss her out so bad she'd have scars on her eardrums, that shift gets to ignore half the fucking store because 2nd and 3rd shift are the workhorses of this place, i dont even like 2nd shifters because they all fuck everything up but THEY STILL DO STUFF. 1st shift (badly) picks things out of the backroom to work and (badly) clears extra frieght off the top shelf.

and then this pos has the nerve to just go and say hiiii to my boss, which tonight made her want to QUIT btw, i was actually kind of tempted to text her that the person that just walked in front of her talked mad shit but i didn't want to put something so stupid and petty on her already awful day so instead i just texted my work bestie bc i needed to tell SOMEONE.

people make me so angry dude, then earlier i got 'banned' (we'll see about that.) from putting my stuff in the only back-of-house space with a proper camera even though i've gotten stolen from on the property and nothing was done about it.

why did i get banned? because i was waiting in the main hall for an interview to end and it apparently annoyed a coach so bad that she wants to ban something that people have been doing for actual years. EVERYONE puts their valubles in that office because it has a camera, and EVERYONE goes in there because it's where all the printers are.

i talked to my bestie and my boss who've both worked with her and they both said 'oh that's just how she is in the morning, you two would probably get along' I.... DON'T THINK SO, ACTUALLY. idc that she's a cranky bitch in the mornings, you can't just ban shit that many people do because it annoys you, how about she pays me the $140 that management cost me by not being able to find who went through my stuff yeah? then i'll use your tiny lockers.

ugh ive been neglecting my meds and every time i do they make me nauseous, yuckkkkkk, gonna try and apply for another zine soon :)

>>> 02:03 AM - June 15th, 2025

feeling:	awake at an inappropriate time
listening:	hartmanns yokai girl arrange
eating:
watching:	nothing atm, i wanna watch inception again

sooooo i fell asleep at 5 pm, this will go very well seeing as i have work tonight.

i feel like i think really mean things sometimes, or want to say something horrible, it's usually uncalled for and it shocks me every time, like i get intrusive thoughts on the occasion but a lot of them are just vitriolic and rude things about people, things i would never say to someones face unless i genuinely hated them.

like, someone on a different shift did something to annoy me once and i left a note saying 'hey don't do that again' and they responded, idk if i just thought her reply came off as snippy but i wrote another note that was just completely MEAN in response, it still related to work, nothing personal but it was just super rude and uncalled for, i ended up throwing that note away because i didn't think anyone deserved that kind of treatment for doing their job, whether it came from me or otherwise.

i think i made the right call in doing that, i dont think i'm a bad person for thinking mean but it just staggers me that i think this way sometimes. i think it's a lot of repressed rage, i never really get to express myself at home, especially not my feelings when i feel i've been slighted, i just kind of have to get over it and simmer alone.

its one of the things i like about my job, i get to be myself at work and feel things because my coworkers don't have the power to kick me out of the building for being angry, or feeling negative generally. would i wear pride stuff around them? NO but it's a start, im pretty rural and rural parts of this place lean very conservative, or are just flat out stupid when it comes to politics.

like seriously i've met someone who believed kamala harris was against abortion and thats why they voted for trump, or it's just flat out blind loyalty, like???? how do i even engage with that.

i did get a little bit of a giggle, cause that someone isn't vocal about her politics (wonder why) and another one of her friends said she didn't fuck with trump supporters at all and she just kinda sat there nodding silently. i think i had to physically stop myself from laughing at that point.

told her she had the same party as my racist grandpa and my mother (who she HATES) and she seemed to have an 'am i the baddie moment', that was satisfying. also hilarious considering that i can compare her to my mother and she regrets everything she's ever said.

i can't even strongly dislike her for it, she was so misinformed that i think her vote was a legitimate mistake since other than her vote she's pretty staunchly progressive. i have a feeling that perhaps they were swayed by all the business and economy talk, this is a Rural area, the most metropolitan spot here is the trailer park a ways away (which i found out a coworkers husband used to own???)

either way, she seems to dislike the person she voted for now, late's better than than never i guess, idiot.

i kinda hate having to play nice with people in that area of politics, like i have to just tolerate my boss's weirdo conservative rap music, its not even good rap its just the guy comparing himself to eminem because they're both white and "getting cancelled" because people don't like him, like shut upppppppppppp

and theres' this dude, younger than me, that's just a complete chauvanist, like takes 'ladies first' seriously, thinks 'thats not very ladylike' is an actual critique in a blue collar environment, takes being gay as a great insult, and tries to help women lift things without anyone asking and just abandoning what HE'S supposed to be doing. he's very easy to mess with because of this but how genuinely he believes this stuff is both irritating and a little concerning.

and he smells like FEET on top of that
PICK A FUCKING STRUGGLE DUDE LMAO

>>> 06:30 AM - June 14th, 2025

feeling:	deltaruney
listening:	Black Knife - Toby Fox
eating:	bagel
watching:	STILL trying to finish apothecary diaries, i underestimated how many episodes were in a season

WHEW OK, coming out of the Deltarune pit, minor spoilers here, i'll have to make a Deltarune page seperately since I have a Lot of Thoughts. BUT;

on release, i made so many attempts to buy it on steam that steam actually timed me out LMAO it's funny now but the day of, when i'd stayed up for it, was going to parallel play with a pal, and seeing other people get on and share screenshots kinda sucked MASSIVE BALLS. i didn't appreciate it ...also the fact that a lot of the attempts were based on steam absolutely shitting itself due to the large volume of deltarune gamers pelting money at the platform, STILL.

but after that little fumble and sitting in the timeout corner for an hour, i got on and played for about 10 hours straight, accidentally killed Tenna, was slack jawed for almost the entirety of chapter 4 because i think literally every single person on the deltarune team freaked it, every single aspect was perfect and it is by far my favorite chapter to date.

It's Raining Somewhere Else (or, excuse me, The place where it rained.) playing when we exit the church made me short circut, a friend warned me about that and said i could scream about it in their DMs, i did in fact scream in their DMs after i just sat for a minute letting it sink in. i'm a pretty large proponent of sans being from deltarune in some way, i still believe he's a darkner somehow, so this kinda slapped me in the face in a very good way, very much helps that it's a beautiful piece apart from it's possible implications.

killing tenna was 100% an accident i prommy, i just forgot to recruit all the shadowmen, all of my pals were baffled and i started feeling really bad about it (in a funny way) seeing all this angsty artwork of him just sitting wrecked in the wastes :'(

TENNA IM SO SORRY

also chapter 3 birthed one of my favorite screenshots to date:

i didn't dare open this thread because they were an hour ahead of me, but that really told me all i needed to know about mr. (ant)enna.

the entire s-rank video game section creeped me out BAD, like not only do you have the undertale cave in the first board, but then what's not only a reference to the snowgrave route and a fucked up version of undertale where you go around killing monsters that resemble your friends (and literally your friends on the third go) gave me an intensely horrible vibe, coupled with toriel donning her undertale sprites the next chapter gave me the willies, since deltarune has now gone from a seperate property to a 'parallel story' according to the steam page.
dunno, gave me the creeps but i LOVE that in this game, i got excited when one of the ratings for the new chapters was 'scary scenes', LIKE HELL YEAH.

also seeing the chapter 4 snowgrave interaction updating in real time was a treat, i liked the original rose symbolism but i understand why it was removed, the single dot was a creepy, very good reference to the ARG content and what they finally landed on was just viceral.

current rankings:

Chapter 4
Chapter 2
Chapter 1
Chapter 3

DONTTTT get your knickers in a twist seeing chapter 3 at the bottom, chapter 3 is fantastic and the bar is in heaven, the first chapter just has a very good vibe to it that keeps it above the bottom, it's like mondstadt for my anime gambling addicts out there, there's just something very special about the first chapter of a game no matter what it is, also helps that the vibes are insane in that one.

plus thats where my beautiful son lancer saw the light of day, i thank kanotynes and toby fox every day for him

the soundtrack is beautiful as always, i actually heard some hot takes about chapter 2's ost before launch, but everyone has their preferences, chapter 4's field theme in particular is one of my favorites and as soon as i find a stable enough link it'll be added to the player below! itoki hana's voice is SO gorgeous her and laura shigihara really make the vocals of the ost what they are. i'm really happy to see hana in particular involved in toby's major projects; they've been collaborating for quite some time now. (listen to the greatest living show NOW.)

here's to chapter 5 in 2026, i hope i dont explode when that drops, and here's to making up lost time with your best friends :)

site business, since ive been deltarotting i havent been working on it as much as i'd hoped, i honestly dont have that much brain bandwidth hehe, it'll be up very soon.
honestly this site has become my attempt to quash the perfectionism demon in the wrinkles of my brain, we're making progress slowly.

02:09 PM - June 1st, 2025

feeling:	bored
listening:	some ex-mormon youtuber talking about crumbl cookies
eating:	some weird flavored water thing
watching:	you kinda have to watch and listen to youtube videos

i kinda had a feeling that today was going to be slow, no one's really around to talk to, irl or groupchats. i've been trying to work on my irritability when it comes to boredom, especially when you can see that other people are doing things without you (whether or not you're actually INTERESTED in what they're doing, it doesn't really matter)

like, i've always been very irritable when it comes to boredom, but i think it moreso comes from a lack of control, like when the internet is having issues and you just don't know what's wrong with it so you get angry and sulk because you can't figure it out and you wanted to do stuff adn there's nothing equally engaging to do otherwise so you're just stuck being unhappy.

it felt like when i wanted to take a shower after a long week, but not only did someone else get to it first but the water pressure starts to suck after you've gotten in. i'm not afraid to say that that actually got some extremely frustrated tears out of me, just uh crying in the shower. very lame in retrospect because the pressure went back like five minutes later and i was fine, but it's just that feeling of defeat that just crawls under your skin and makes you see, not red, maybe blue.

rounding back to the original topic lmao, theres just things i wanna do, things i want to like idk giggle and celebrate about but there's no one there to do that with, whether they're occupied or just offline, its selfish but it makes me sad.

could also probably help if i actually took my stupid lexapro but i CANT because i had that STUPID BRANDY.

>>> 09:40 AM - June 1st, 2025

feeling:	pensive
listening:	god is a woman (kaito ver.)
eating:	coffee brandy & a hot pocket
watching:	trying to finish apothecary diaries

gay people real (Happy pride month!)

I've already had a brandy today and I have work tonight, I think I'm just bored lol. Translating old pages is shaping up to be kind of an ordeal... I was hoping to not have to redo all of them but the way everything was developed from January is like completely different, aesthetically AND backend wise. Idk, I'll figure something out, I just want this site back up :(

It's not like they'd stay that way forever, they would just be placeholders but I still didn't expect it to be so difficult with me!!

Oh well.

My mom keeps getting calls from business numbers (and ignoring them heh) but I'm kind of worried they're for me, even if I forked over $300 last month, it's kind of a trope that collection agencies are pushy, but also I've been getting spam texts up the yin yang recently too, so idk why I'm so worried LOL this is why we don't fuck with companies that notoriously sell data (COUGH Facebook). I used it for literally two days just to see what was going on with some family stuff and my phone # is probably sitting in some database already.

also looking at my neocities profile, there is just straight up toxic yaoi sitting public-facing LMAO

im kind of past that phase so its a little embarassing to look at but whatever, im not deleting it, i've drawn worse hiii celly.

>>> 03:44 PM - May 31, 2025

First entry of this page actually running and looking like how it's meant to... I'll be updating this semi-regularly even if the site is still closed so that there's at least something to read on here!

Hrghhghh we're on the cusp of Deltarune Chapter 3&4 releasing, I'm SO nervous LMAO

I, for the last uhhhhhhh..... 6 years, wow, have had like a boatload of theories and thoughts and predictions and just everything since I've been able to just sit in my my own brain without (much) offical content, only fuelled and stoked by the ARG content. I feel like GOHD Asriel, I don't want this to end!!!!!! BUT ALSO I DO. I REALLY DO.

In a good way ofc, I want Deltarune to end in the nicest possible way, and based on Toby Fox's deranged Bluesky posting I don't think I or the entire fandom frankly, are alone in the matter. I've seen a lot of groaning about how long Deltarunes' taken, and sure yeah, it's been a hot minute (6 years, hehe) I think it was worth it. I think we've gotten a little too used to stuff coming out constantly in a continuous flow of content, which is a deeply problematic workflow in the long-term for both developers and consumers. Things used to take years back in the day too, thats why releases were known to be events and things to look forward to at midnight releases and shit, because FINALLY.

I think that may be one of my most oldhead opinions of all time, people are just impatient nowadays, never taking the chance to sit on things and ruminate. Especially on something as Fucking Cool as Deltarune like??? Come on bros, get a fucking grip LOL. It's always the same types that think they, or modders, can do better and know better than the actual developers.

Then pick up that keyboard and get cracking shitlord, I want that beta YESTERDAY.

>>> 01:09 PM - January 22, 2025

So... weird unofficial unstyled blog page whats good.

This is really meant to be a placeholder for me to get my stuff down without worrying about the CSS since, well that's the topic of this first blog.

The nitty gritty is basically I'm kind of unhappy with my layout??? Idk, it's just egregiously inflexible. I've gotten advice on it but really it's all boiled down to "don't limit yourself to just a specific style!!!" and while that's a nice sentiment it's not really what i'm feeling is WRONG with the site itself.

Like I'm gonna be so real it's so annoying and difficult to add to it that it actively making me dislike working on it which isn't what i want for it in the slightest and what I thought was working just isn't anymore and that's honestly pissing me off because it's only been a couple weeks since I've implemented it like seriously what fucking gives LMAOOOOO

It's just kind of put into perspective what I actually want to work on, I value creativity and freedom first and foremost when it comes to this site and I've made it so incredibly difficult for myself to actually pursue that, which is bonkers because I literally designed the site, it's like it's developed feature creep already like how did i even let that happen.

I think I just bit off way more than I could chew at my barely intermediate level of coding knowledge.

Speaking on freedom and a little actual update, while i initially decided on either undertale or touhou to be the first shrines on the site, for some unfathomable reason it's looking like the virtual villagers series will actually be taking that place, because i've spent the last week typing up a 2300+ word essay on that incredibly niche series and frankly i've come to reaslise that NO ONE will ever be as insane about that series as i am so i'm putting my whole brain into that one out of sheer spite.

SO. Where do we go from here?

Firstly, Re-think the aesthetic a little, I love what's going on I think I just went way way too hard into it.

Secondly, I'm gonna be re-doing the layout from the ground up, it's not gonna be SUPER different aesthetically but it'll function in a similar way to the old old layout, y'know, sidebars that don't rely on IFrames and such. This should THEORETICALLY not actually take as long as the last update, since I'll no longer be adhering to self-imposed restrictions.

Finally, I have a lot of pages kinda jotted down!! So this update will actually still come with new pages and isn't just a revamp! :D

- Summer 2025